Unlike any other profession/career in life, no one teaches us how to be mothers, or how to be a good one at that. We seem to learn from our own mothers, those lucky enough to grow up with one, but as far as I remember, my mom didn’t give me tips or instruction on how to be a good mother. My mom is great, I love her with all my heart, and I think she did a really good job with my sister and me; we turned out okay. But there are instances where I thought she wasn’t right. There are instances where I was really scared of her and I don’t want my children to feel that way about me, ever.
I’m afraid of becoming a monster mom. I’m afraid of missing out on what’s really important in life. I’m afraid of ruining my children’s lives.
This is not an inclusive list, I have more things to be afraid of, but I wanted to make my point. Sometimes I have such a huge dilemma in my heart when it comes to my parenting style. For example, I got home from work today (after stopping for some groceries) and my daughter had a crying period because she wanted to be with mommy. I held her for a little while but it was getting late and I had to cook dinner, so I asked her to watch TV for a little while. I didn’t scream at her or anything like that but it did bother me that she was acting up. And half of my brain was thinking that she’s still a little girl and she misses me; and the other half of my brain thinks that I’m tired and I need to cook so we have food to eat. And the list goes on and on like this.
Last Sunday, mother’s day, we went to see my mother-in-law, and the rest of my husband’s family. My little angels didn’t take their nap and so they had all the energy in the world. They are the smallest of all cousins so we really had to watch them to make sure they didn’t get into trouble or had any accidents. Needless to say, we all got home and were extremely tired. And I’m still feeling a little tired today. And I’ve been like this for the last few weeks. I’ve been exercising more so I think that has to do with it since my body is adjusting but here’s the dilemma: do I stop exercising to have more energy and enjoy less stressful moments with my family?
I usually don’t see my children until 5pm since I’m at work until then and so I want to spend most of my evenings with them. But when they start crying or things don’t go the way I want them to go, it gets tough. I love them with all my heart and they are the reason I get up everyday and do what I do. And I just want to make sure they know that.
I want them to feel loved and secured whenever they are with me, and I want to enjoy them as much as I can. But there are so many responsibilities that need to be tended to around the house that I guess I need to find a balance. I searched for “when you are too tired” on Pinterest today and I came across these two wonderful posts, here and here.
I felt a lot better after reading these posts; the authors hit a lot of points that I hadn’t thought of. And I guess that I just need to take one day at a time. I don’t think I should feel bad about doing something for me only, and that doesn’t make me a bad mom. I am working on thinking before speaking to make sure I don’t yell at my kids (or my husband) and to make sure I’m using encouraging words for them at all times.
Being a mother is not an easy task and I need to remember not to be too hard on myself. And if I take care of myself, I can take better care of my children. So am I a good mom? Maybe not where I want to be but I do I think I’m in a good path. I hope to be a better mom and continue asking God to give me strength and guidance.