This is Day 2 of my 30 day Bible Challenge that started from a day where my husband and I had a fight. I don’t like fighting and I don’t like my children to see us fight. You can read more about why I started the challenge and about Day 1 here:
Today I focus on more readings about marriage and life in general. I really like this verse I read in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage should be honored by everyone. And every marriage should be kept pure between husband and wife. God will judge guilty those who commit sexual sins and adultery.”
It is very sad for me to hear about newly weds getting a divorce, or even worse, about people that have been married for years and then getting a divorce. The news are filled with notes about famous actors and their scandals, and there seems to be a new divorce story every day in Hollywood. But this also affects “normal” people like us. Divorce or separations have probably impacted all of us in some way or another.
I have a very dear friend of mine that I met when we were in 7th grade. She is so sweet and friendly, and is always looking for ways to help others. But she went through a rough time right about when we met. Her parents were getting a divorce and she was right in the middle of it all. She suffered from depression and bipolar disorder afterwards and it is a wound that will never really heal. Now as an adult she gets along with both of her parents well, but when she was younger that was not always the case.
I’m lucky to have both of my parents and to have them both in my life happily married after 29 years or so. But their marriage was not always a happy marriage. As a young couple, with young children, they fought a lot and we (my sister and me) were right in the middle of it. It was a very traumatic experience to have seen and heard those fights but as time passed, they continued forward and have learned to overcome most of their differences. Every now they still fight, their marriage is not perfect, but they are together and they love each other.
I guess that what I’m trying to say is that marriage is hard. When you first get married you are happy and excited to start a new life with the person next to you that you believe know so well. But those first years can be very challenging for newly weds because you discover things you didn’t know about your partner. Maybe you discover that your husband has stinky feet; or that your wife doesn’t really know how to cook. These things don’t seem too big, but they are present in your everyday life and you think to yourself, will I really put off with this for the rest of my life?
So you managed to overcome those little daily things that really bothered you at the beginning but now you hardly even notice. Or your husband bought a really good cream for his stinky feet, and your wife took cooking lessons that are paying off. That is awesome! Marriage is all about finding solutions to your problems, together. You feel like you are just starting to enjoy being together 24/7 and you have learned so much about each other. Then come the children. Having babies is hard! It’s very challenging and exhausting. Nobody prepares you for this new phase in your life. Then problems start arising, there is no money, diapers are too expensive, formula is too expensive and so on and on!
What do you do now? You pray. Pray to God for help and strength because your family needs you now more than every. Those who quit at this state are cowards in my opinion. And this is the stage that I’m currently in. And I’m not a coward. I love my family and I will be with them through the rough and the good times. Adultery is not an option and it is not the solution here. Talk to your partner about how to make things work together. Help each other because things get easier and remember that God is with you.
It was my decision to get married to my husband because of many things that he is and because I love him. Whenever I’m angry at him or I have doubts about our marriage, I remember back to our dating days and try to see him as I saw him back then. If he has stopped doing things I like, I try to talk to him (when both of us are in a good mood) about it and see if he can do it again (such as opening doors for me). Most of the time, this works. I also try to remember that we are different now, new experiences have changed us for good or bad, so don’t expect your husband or wife to be the same as he/she was before getting married. I mean, after having two babies, I don’t think I’ll get my same body back and my husband knows and understands this. Communication is a key here and I hope that something I wrote tonight will help you or someone you know. Again, I’m no expert here but this is what has helped our marriage.