It finally happened… I got mad about some little, insignificant thing. The day was going great and we were having a good time. In the morning we went grocery shopping, then we had lunch, and after the kids’ nap, I prepared dinner. Dinner was great, everybody liked what I made. Afterwards, we went outside to work a little on the garden and so the kids could get some fresh air. But since it was very windy and it got cold outside, we decided to go out to the store to walk around and pick up some things we missed in the morning.
Well, while the children were napping, my husband had gone out to the store and took my debit card with him. He came back and he didn’t put it back. When we were checking out at the store, I was going to pay with cash but I was short $5.00 and I was going to use the debit card to pay that amount. But the card was nowhere to be found. And I just got plain angry. I just removed one item from our cart and paid for the rest, and we left.
But I could tell I looked mad. And if nobody had said anything about it, I would have been fine. But my husband had to ask if I was mad. I really hate it when he does that. He asks me if I’m mad when he can clearly see that I am. And then he keeps talking about it. He said it was nothing, that I shouldn’t get mad about it, and that this type of incidents will keep happening. And of course, I got even angrier. I finally told him to just be quiet (in the nicest way possible) and that I would be quiet so there would not be an argument. And his response was that I could not tell him when to shut up.
There are occasions where I almost beg him to talk to me, to have a conversation, to tell me what’s going on in his mind and his heart, but he decides to talk during these type of situations and it just makes no sense to me. I’m trying my hardest to not be a monster wife or a monster mom and I hope he has seen improvement. But I make one mistake of getting angry when he doesn’t put the debit card and I’m paying for it for the rest of the day.
Is it really my fault that he is not responsible to put something he took back? In my opinion, this all happened because of him. There is a history with this debit card. We’ve lost it because he takes it and doesn’t put it back and we end up finding it days later. I don’t know how many times we’ve looked for this card before. I should be use to it by now, I guess.
This was probably a test and I failed miserably. This post is part of my 30 Day Bible Challenge that got started after realizing that I would get mad too easily and too quickly and I want to change that (you can read more about how this got started here). It honestly has been 22 days since the last time I got mad. And I feel like he doesn’t appreciate it that. I’ve been reading a little about the Bible everyday and I’ve been asking God to help me with this so I figured that today was my test. I guess I’ll just have to keep trying and praying so that I can control these onsets and be a better wife and mom.
Today I went back to read James 1 because I remember there was something about anger there. And James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger.”
Now, clearly it doesn’t say don’t get angry. It says to “keep control of your anger”. And this is what I’m trying to do. I’m not perfect, nobody is but God. And He doesn’t like it when we become angry or act based on anger. How many stories have we seen about someone acting on anger and end up ruining their lives, or the lives of others? I don’t want to be a person like that. I want to be the sunshine in my husband’s and children’s lives and I want to be a happy person.
I will continue on my journey and will work on my temper and pray to God that He helps me.