I’m at a point in my life where I am not a young adult anymore but I don’t feel like an older person yet. I read a comment that said “The elders call me kid and the kids call me ma’am” and that’s kind of what I feel it’s going on with me. I’m married, I have two children, a job, and in a few years I’ll be 30 years old and yet I seem to be stuck in my young adult years.
I’m still at the same job that I had when I was 17, I’ve scaled up a little but it’s the same company. And I don’t see myself going any further there, or at least not in the department that I am. I keep telling myself that this is a great job, with benefits and flexible schedule; the people there are great to work with. And this is all true. Many people would love a job like this one so what’s wrong with me?
I had so many dreams when I was little and I didn’t see myself where I am now. If you had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would’ve said a teacher, or a lawyer, or a social worker. I would have never said a sales person. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I love my family and friends. Everything I do is because of my children now so they can have a great present and a great future; my family is my first priority now. But I still look at going back to school and change my career. I would love to get my Master’s but I’m scared of the debt that could be left afterwards and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it through with a full time job.
Maybe I’m right where I’m supposed to be, and maybe I should just accept it, right? But there’s something inside me that’s not comfortable with this. That’s why I start so many projects that sometimes end up to nowhere. Take this blog for instance, this is my first time writing in weeks. I know it’s best to be consistent as a blogger but sometimes I don’t know what to write about or I’m too tired to write, or maybe I’m too lazy.
I think that might be part of the problem. I’m too lazy to go after my own dreams. To try something new and explore. But at the same time, I’m responsible for a family and I can’t just take off work to try and experiment on new things. I’m just doing what everyone else does, go to work, then home, sleep, then go to work, then home and so on. Doesn’t it seem scary that we have to work sometimes as young as 16 years old and retire until we are 70 or even older than that? It’s scary to me. I mean working all those years to keep paying bills, a car, a house, college for yourself and hopefully for the kids, and at the end of it all, when we leave this world, we won’t take any of the material things this society seems to be so much in love with.
We try to live a fairly simple life with no debt. But we still need a house to live in, and it’s either rent and throw your money away or get a mortgage loan and pay a house for the next 30 years. Neither one seems to make sense to me. Especially when the mortgage company wants you to have a credit history to show you are responsible. How is it responsible when you have hundreds or thousands of dollars in debt? Anyways, I’ve purposely tried to live debt free but I did get a credit card with a max amount of $200.00 to try to establish credit.
I know I’m not the only one that feels this way because I see lots of people living off-grid, or building a tiny house, or a house with natural materials. But even then, you seem to need a lot of money. Sometimes I wish I could win the lottery, but of course I don’t play it.
It’s hard to think of all those years in school, since I was 5 years old until 21 when I graduated from college. And to think that they might be wasted in a cubicle doing tedious projects and tedious work. I feel I should be doing more, but I guess I first need to figure out what I’m good at other than what I already do. And what I want to accomplish in life. I want to help others, that’s what makes me happy and I’ve always thought so even when I was little.
Maybe this is what adulthood is all about, but it’s a little scary. I’m not ready to be a ma’am but I know I’m no longer a kid. My children look up to me, my parents expect great things from me, and there’s such a need within me to prove myself. To prove that I can be better than what I am now. And to prove that I can do better. But there’s a time for everything. Maybe I should prepare myself so that in a few years, I can start doing something different, something I like and something that will make me feel proud of myself in regards to my career.
I’d love to hear from you. Your struggles in reaching adulthood and how you’ve overcome them.